Role models (and the loss of a loved one)

Since my father passed away exactly 11 years ago today, I figured it’s time to start talking about role models. What makes a good role model? How should a role model behave? Is it okay for role models to have flaws?

What is a role model? A role model is someone to look up to, someone who leads by example, someone with a personality and/or attitude you adore and strife to achieve.

I guess almost anyone has role models or at least one person in their life they look up to. This could be pretty much anybody from your own father or mother, the grandparents, an uncle or aunt, a cousin, a friend, a friend’s parents/family member or even a celebrity who you feel close to because of their words or actions.

For me, a role model should be someone who conveys positivity, someone who makes you feel better, someone who tries to make the world a better place by helping those who need help even if they are not actively seeking it.

• Role model = Flawless?

Does this mean role models have to be saints? Someone without flaws? Someone who never does anything wrong? For me, that is an easy „No“. Nobody is perfect, and the world would be a pretty boring place if everybody was. Sometimes you need to make mistakes in order to learn or grow stronger. Sometimes you are misled and treading the wrong path. But that doesn’t mean you are a bad person. People can always change. People can reflect on their wrongdoings, truly regret them and then turn out to be great human beings.

Somebody who might have been a drug addict or an alcoholic in their past and did some horrible things while they were under the influence or in order to get money for their problems could still get clean, change their lives and give advice to others who might be in a similar situation. Some people are driven to break laws just because they can’t afford food or they can’t get a job.

That doesn’t automatically turn them into bad people, they just try to survive. Sometimes a lot of us forget how good we have it, when we have a home, a job, electricity, warm clothes and so on, while others are out there trying to survive and sometimes dependent on the help of kind strangers. Random acts of kindness can change peoples lives. What seems like a small and simple thing to do for one, can inspire and move others.

• My biggest role model

Some of us might grow up adoring actors, singers or athletes and for some of us those people end up to be our role models. While I really looked up to some football (soccer) players, skiers and a couple of actors back in the day (I always loved playing football (soccer) and wanted to become an actor when I was younger), there always was one person who was my top role model and I always wanted to be like him, and that was my father. Even though he was away from home from Monday morning until Friday afternoon because he worked over 300km away from home I always had a strong bond with him and hoped that one day my own kids would look up to me the same way I looked up to him.

He was kindhearted, funny and always there for his friends and family when someone needed a hand. That’s why it was so devastating when he was diagnosed with lung cancer back in 2007, just a couple of months after his 50th birthday. Since life can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, the operation where about half of my dad’s lung had to be removed was exactly on my birthday… and just 6 days later – on my sister’s birthday – they had to do a trachea cut in order for him to properly provide him with oxygen.

After that my father hasn’t been the same as he was before. He always was a handyman and did pretty much everything that needed work by himself, but after the operation he didn’t have the strength/endurance to do that anymore. It really hurt me to see him just lying around the whole day when he was such an active person before that.

• Losing someone

A bit more than 2 years after his operation he passed away in the hospital on March 11th 2010. I was 24 back then and I just remember my mother telling me that he had to go to the hospital the evening before and he might not make it. I thought about going to visit him instead of going to work on the 11th but I decided not to. Until this day I’m still not sure if I am sad or glad that I didn’t go.

On the one hand it would have been nice to properly say goodbye, on the other hand he probably wouldn’t have been awake at the time and so I probably better remember him how he looked and who he was before he got sick. What also makes me sad is that my sister was pregnant back then and she wasn’t able to tell my father that he would have become a grandfather. I’m sure he probably would have been the best grandpa of the world. I’m also sad that I couldn’t introduce my future wife to him and that he won’t be there when we’re marrying and having our kids.

• Pulling myself out

I was in a bad place back then. I thought a lot about ending my own life but at the same time I knew that I just couldn’t do it. It may have been an easy way out of the slump I’ve been in, but I had to be there for my mother, my sister and my – back then – soon to be born nephew who also is my godchild. Also it definitely wouldn’t have been what my dad wanted and I wanted to make him proud. I wanted to be a man that my father would be proud of. I couldn’t care less what other people think of me, but if I had to decide who’s opinion about me would be the one that really counts it definitely would be my father’s.

• Other role models – Gronkh

A couple of months after my dad passed away a friend showed me some videos of a German Youtuber/Let’s Player (and now Streamer) called Gronkh and I watched a lot of his videos. While I got hooked because of his funny commentary during the videos, I also stayed because of some of the stories he shared of his past and the hardships he had to endure/overcome to end up where he is today. His genuine and kind behaviour towards his community and other people as well as his „never give up“ mentality really sealed the deal for me and I would say that he also turned out to be a bit of a role model for me over the years.

• Other role models -Tablo

Someone else I really look up to for everything he’s been through is Tablo of Epik High.
While their music is just a part of my life since a few years, I got really invested into it as well as the backstory of Tablo. Just a couple of days ago I listened to the first episode of his „Mindset“ and I just couldn’t help but to tear up when he started talking about all the stuff he had to endure. From his years without any family members close to him when he still was a boy to the loss of his friend to the witch hunt happening because of some false accusations from some people to the death of his father. The way he talked about all of this just hit so hard that I am still wondering how he managed to get through all of this. Tablo for me is the living testament that everything can still turn out good if you never give up and stay true to yourself. One of Epik High’s songs I almost always listen to either on my dad’s birthday or on the anniversary of his death is „Pieces of You“.

I hope to always be able to live up to the standards that i set for myself based on the inspiration I got from the people above (and some more) and that I always manage to stay true to myself and maybe on day even turn out to be the role model of someone else (p.e. my own future kids).